At the start of 2025, I began to ask myself the following question more and more often: What is happiness? Is it having a lot in your possession, like money or some other material wealth? Having good family and friends? Perhaps being well-known and successful?

 

Almost every day, I commute from university to home. Despite my commute usually being at rush hours, one thing I've begun to appreciate is being able to witness the lives of many other people, even if it's for a glimpse of their life on the TTC.

 

As I watch other people on the subway, I wonder what their lives are like. Some are comfortably sitting on the seats of the TTC, listening to music or scrolling through their phones as they wait to get off at the right station. Others just stand silently, staring into the open space, occasionally checking their phone or finding the map to see where they are. A few are sleeping on the subway, only to be awakened by the speaker sounding the next station. And when the train stops, I also see people outside running viciously to catch the train before it leaves, entering the train even when it's visibly full.

 

It's often the case that the people I see on the subway are older than me, so I can't help but compare myself with them and wonder what I will be like when I'm older. And obviously, I barely know anything about their lives, so much of my interpretation is based on my biased judgment. But to help me understand better, I wondered if they, at my age, would've predicted or wanted to be where they are right now. Did they achieve their goals? Do they enjoy the 9-5 life they're living? Do they have any regrets? Perhaps some people are still striving toward something, but it would be unfair of me to assume that they aren't also enjoying their lives in the present moment. Regardless, one thing I know for certain was how I felt as I pondered over these questions. In short, I couldn't help but want more.

 

I really hope this doesn't sound selfish. Based on my interactions in university so far for the past three years, I have learned that people have different experiences, different pace, and different standards, which eventually determine how satisifed one becomes with certain outcomes in their life, whether that be a test result or something bigger. In the end, it's fine to live your own life. It's your life and your happiness, which also means that the definition of happiness varies by person. But for me, I wonder if I'd feel fulfilled if I found myself riding the TTC four days a week a few years later.

 

My dad told me something last year that has stuck with me. He said that as people grow older, they often find themselves regretting not having worked harder, rather than wishing they had played harder. If you live a really busy life, you might be in the latter category, but I think what my dad said was quite convincing. Because of this, I try to be rational when it comes to deciding whether I should work or play. This doesn't mean you should always stay home and work. That's bad for you. Work hard, play hard, right? Instead, what I learned is that I should always try to minimize the number of regrets I could potentially have in the future.

 

It's hard to remember this––let alone pursue it––all the time. As the subway doors open and I walk home, I, as a habitual creature, go through the same routine and go to bed, sometimes feeling guilty with myself. But I think the first step is to always recognize something and then start working on it.

 

You might now be wondering, well, what is my goal? To answer the question I set out at the beginning of this, I think the answer lies in how much control you have over your life. In other words, happiness is the extent to which you have control over your circumstances and choices. I've also begun to hear this phrase very often in school now that my friends have started getting internships and have gotten a taste of the corporate world: I hate school. And I think the reason why many students, not just those around me, say this is because you don't have that much control over your school life as a student. Teachers set deadlines for you, there are courses you are required to take, and you're often expected to meet certain expectations that may not always align with your personal interests. In other words, your time and decisions are impacted by external factors instead of you alone. But this doesn't mean school is always bad. For many people, it serves as one of many stepping stones to achieving the freedom you dream of having over your life.

 

Returning to the theme of happiness, in order to be happy and at peace with yourself, you need to take control of your life. But sometimes, achieving that control can mean temporarily surrendering it, so don't be too hard on yourself. If you look at happiness indexes, they tend to not be very high, so it's not an easy task. But just like with any challenge, defining the problem––understanding what happiness truly means to you––can make the journey a bit easier.