The feeling of wanting something so badly is so strong that it can crush you. I still remember the day I got rejected from my dream universities. My heart sank and it felt like the end of the world. I wasn't sure what to do next and I ended up not showing up to school for a week. This sounds dramatic, but it really did feel like my life was coming to an end. I had dedicated so much of my life to this one goal. And when I had failed to achieve it, I almost lost my sense of purpose.

 

For the past three years, I've been trying to make something out of my reaction to my failure, to understand why my reaction was so emotional, and if the moment is still worth remembering.

 

I'm writing this now because I think I’ve finally come to a conclusion. It was the first time I had ever felt something so strong. Forget the outcome. The more important part was how I had brought myself to react so significantly to something. It was my reaction that showed how much I cared. I had poured so much time and effort into chasing that goal, fully committed to every essay, every extracurricular. Looking back, I probably missed out on a lot outside of that world (which ironically might've been why I didn't do so well). But at the time, it never felt like wasted time––because I was always aware it was for something that mattered to me. And that also meant that, no matter what anyone else said, I felt confident in the path I was on.

 

Obviously, it would be so much better when the result goes your way. When you've put in that much effort, there's nothing like the reward of actually achieving what you worked for.

 

However, the point of this post is to emphasize the process. There’s something deeply meaningful about having a goal to chase, something you can throw your whole heart into. The other day, I came across a reel of a singer getting emotional on stage. It had been their dream to perform there, and in that moment, they could barely speak because they were holding back tears. I watched that and thought, man, I want to feel that one day. The tears that he was holding back were not only tears of joy, but they also represented the pain and struggle it took to be performing in front of thousands of people. This might be a weird way to put it, but those tears probably felt better because of those hardships.

 

Anyway, I've come to realize that I want a goal I want so intensely in life, and work towards it. In my opinion, that feels more fulfilling than just living a simple life and seeing where it takes me. That’s just my perspective, and I don’t mean to say it’s the only way to live. But for me, I want to feel that sense of purpose again––the kind I had burning inside me during my senior year of high school.

 

Sometimes, when I'm at home at night, I ask myself what I'm really doing and nothing meaningful comes to mind. I know I'm working toward a lot of things right now, but I'm not sure any of them carry the weight that could truly make or break me. Not yet, at least.

 

You might be reading this and be thinking that you're afraid or that there's too much risk. If that's the case, my advice to you is to take the path where you think you will have the least amount of regret. Life is short, and you don't want to miss out on opportunities or your bold goals because you were afraid. My other piece of advice is to think that you can do it. This is something I'm working on as well, but believing in yourself is more powerful than you think.

 

I know, I'm just a naive university student, but hopefully some of these thoughts resonate with you. Returning to the main theme of this post, I would end it with this. Having a strong desire for a goal is good. If you want it and it makes sense to you, go for it. This applies to people as well. I struggle with this sometimes, but if you really love someone or want to befriend someone (at school or work), I think it's worth it to take your shot, even if they don't feel the same. I would even go so far and say that a desire towards someone could be your strongest desire in life.

 

Honestly, hard work and passion don't guarantee anything, and that scares me too. But they give you a chance––and that's the kind of hope I want to live with.